loneliness

My City Calls (Visual poetry)

~ Christina Egan ~ Leave a comment

10 years of this blog!

AD MULTOS ANNOS

Poem "My City Calls" typed up in the shape of a city, including a Gothic Cathedral. In the sky, chimes, smoke, snow or rain, typed in special characters.
Inscription "C.C.A.A.", very clear, on old broken stone monument.

Celebrating ten years of this blog with two new versions of one of the first poems published here: “My City Calls” typed up as a cityscape around a Gothic Cathedral and as a church bell.

The additional letters at the end might be the notes of the bells – but they are also a clue to the identity of the city!

Poem "My City Calls" typed up in the shape of a church bell, with some ornaments of special characters.

You can click on the visual poems to read the text more clearly
and go to the plain text via the link above.

Visual poems My City Calls (Cityscape) and My City Calls (Church Bell). Christina Egan ©2024. Developed from the text My City Calls (1995/2012).

Von stählernen Waben (Wortbild)

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Visual poem of the text Von gläsernen Waben. The words are typed up into a grid with large hollows, like buildings with yards. Some words are located in these spaces, like people walking about. In the centre, the words “Du” (You) and “Ich” (“I”).

Visual poem developed from the text Von stählernen Waben (see below). Christina Egan ©2024.

For the English text version and links to similar poems, see When Webs of Steel / Von stählernen Waben.

For the English visual version and for a related word cloud, see the previous post, Webs of Steel (Visual Poetry).

Von stählernen Waben

Von stählernen Waben und gläsernen Wänden
beschränkt auf ein spärliches gräsernes Eck,
steh’ stille und spüre dein Blut in den Händen:
Du hast ein Gesicht; und du hast ein Geschick.

Will keiner dich kennen, verstehen und lieben,
gibt keiner verborgene Neigungen her,
hol’ Atem – hol’ Atem – und freu’ dich am Leben:
Ich weiß es ja, bin ja bei dir übers Meer!

Christina Egan © 2015

When Webs of Steel (Visual poetry)

~ Christina Egan ~ Leave a comment
Visual poem of: https://eganpoet.net/2015/12/11/when-webs-of-steel/. The worda are tped up into two squares, with some in the middle, like a person walking about in the yard of a building.
Word cloud on black, most words pale, some words glaring. In the middle, "glass", "steel", "doors", "sun".


Visual poem developed from the text When webs of steel (see below). Christina Egan ©2024.
Word cloud Steel & Glass of twelve English poems about big cities on this website. Christina Egan ©2024.

Visual poem typed up on a Word document. Word cloud designed on Simple Word Cloud Generator.
For the German version and links to similar poems, see When Webs of Steel / Von stählernen Waben.
For the inspiration for the design of the word cloud, see Glass Mountain (Potsdamer Platz).

When Webs of Steel

When webs of steel and walls of glass
confine you to a square of grass –
stand still and feel your sap pulsate:
You have a face. You have a fate.

When no one listens, no one knows you,
when no one loves you or else shows you,
take a deep breath – take two – take cheer:
I know, across the seas. I’m here.

Christina Egan © 2009

A Lonely Star

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Decorative paper, black with ripples in grey, white, purple.A Lonely Star

A lonely star surveys the streets.
The dark is brownish, blurred by lamps.
The cold is damp and slowly creeps
through draughty windows, long-locked doors.
Bats flit about like ghostly hands.
A blinking helicopter roars;
the city stirs and sighs and sleeps.
The star looks down and frowns and stands.

Christina Egan © 2017

 

Decorative paper. Image provided
by British Library through Flickr.

When the Snow Falls

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When the Snow Falls

Tiny fir tree and orange nasturtium covered with thick melting snow.

When the snow falls,
when the snow calls
with its crystal-clear voice,
when the streets hum,
when the streets drum
with their boisterous noise,
when the fog shifts,
when the fog lifts
and the sun gilds the stone –
let your smile grow,
for a while know
you are never alone

Christina Egan © 2019

Photograph: Christina Egan © 2017.

This poem was commissioned for a Christmas card by a university library.
Feel free to write or print it in your cards, as long as acknowledge me as the author somewhere.

Curling Up

~ Christina Egan ~ Leave a comment

Curling Up

I’m curling up
against the cold
against the world

its random roar
its lazy contempt
its glacial loneliness

Buds and fresh leaves on top of shoots above a parkI’m curling up
with the sky in my mind
and the sun in my heart

around a seed
already unfurling
and then: uncurling

Christina Egan © 2014

 

I am at Home in the Darkness

I.

I am at home in the darkness.
At least, dreams shine more brightly here,
lanterns among phantoms,
gold grains in the drifting sand.

Only my dreams
are real,
are true.

II.Passionflower with bee, colours inverted to create psychedelic purple structure.

All those who wish to die
crave for life, life, lost
in this cavern of wandering shades,
crazed by the thirst for a garden.

Only those who wish to die
are aware,
are alive.

Christina Egan © 2014

Photographs: Christina Egan © 2014 / 2016.

I assume that very, very often when someone feels they want to die or are about to die, they are simply physically unwell — or simply overtired — or simply literally in the dark. If this insight informed our science and our society, we could manage our lives so much better.

The date these three poems were written is significant: it was mid-February, which is when I (like everyone in the northern hemisphere) feels the dark and cold most bitterly, because halfway between winter solstice and spring equinox, the various reserves of our bodies are dangerously low. From late February on, things get better, and this is not a mental phenomenon (little flowers can, after all, not cure leaden fatigue) but a physical fact.

Captivity

~ Christina Egan ~ Leave a comment

I.

looking through the lofty glass door
I feel the faint sun on my forehead

I press my hands against the glaze of ice
I grasp the slender handle to crack it

I must lean out of it
I must step out of it

into the sparkling garden below me
into the buzzing street beyond it

I must follow the clouds to the edge of the land
I must follow the winds to the edge of the earth

 

II.

Iron railing in brick wall, like a gate without lock, with view onto green riverbank.tomorrow I will open my eyes
as if I saw the sun for the first time

tomorrow I will get up and go
as if my steps were guided and guarded

I will step out of my mind
into someone else’s mind

I will step out of my eyes
into someone else’s eyes

then I shall touch beauty
then I shall taste life

 

III.

Heavy rusty gate, decorated with swirls, with keys in lock.the summer was short
and long was the winter

I witnessed neither
I looked upon bricks

that was when I realised
how glaring lamps are and how bland

how pages are made of paper
and screens stay stubbornly flat

that was when I faded
from a flag to a shadow

I chewed on the bare bread of hope
turning sweet on my tongue

Christina Egan © 2012

Photographs: Christina Egan © 2018 / 2014.

August Night / Nur Asche zu essen

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August Night

The night is short and moist and sweet,
with secret sprouting life replete…
and stark and bitter all the same.

There is no peace on golden wings,
there is no peace from silver limbs…
only a tiny steady flame.

Christina Egan © 2012

In the midst of abundant midsummer,
the narrator has not found peace — neither
through prayer or meditation nor through
the presence of a beloved person.

The following poem laments the unborn dead,
whose graves are nameless and forgotten and
who never saw the light of the sun — although
angels may have taken them elsewhere…

Nur Asche zu essen

Nur Asche zu essen,
nur Lehm statt Brot,
nur Erde zu wissen:
der bitterste Tod.

Den Leib ohne Atem,
das Aug ohne Licht,
das Grab ohne Namen:
das schärfste Gericht.

Die niemals Gebornen,
fast ohne Gewicht,
von Engeln Verborgnen:
Vergesset sie nicht.

Christina Egan © 2018

By the River I was Sitting

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By the River I was sitting

By the River I was sitting
Watching barges floating by
Like the clouds so full of promise
In the blue and burning sky

Bearing jewels, bearing silver
From the mountains crowned with snow
Bearing spices, sweet and fiery
From the jungles down below

By the River I was waiting
For a boat to pick me up
Till the oars were folded inward
And the city-gates were shut

On my roof-top I was watching
Night like lapis-lazuli
While the stars were slowly rolling
Round the tiny lonely me

By Two Rivers I was dwelling
In a house of golden bricks
In my dress of snow and silver
Waving to intrepid ships

When the stars had come full circle
Strangers broke my city-gate
And my boat lay by the palm-trees
Finest date-wine was its freight

And it flew against the current
And it floated with the storm
Till I climbed the purple mountains
Where the River Twins are born

Christina Egan © 2011

Jar, elegantly curved, with brown and blue glaze.

 

This song of the woman by the river is taken
from my stage play The Bricks of Ur  (© 2011).

Place: City of Ur, Mesopotamia — Time: 2000 B.C.

Photograph: Assyrian jar (9th to 7th c. BC).
© The Trustees of the British Museum.

Obituary (I Think I Died Last Night)

~ Christina Egan ~ Leave a comment

Obituary

Deep-pink rose over, bent in the snow, with pond in background.I think I died last night,
but none of you noticed.

You talk to me as if
you were talking to me!

The clocks are ticking,
the coffee is dripping…

Even the sun is smiling
while I pretend to carry on.

I was a fount of life,
never looked at, never listened to.

I was an orphan on earth.
I have to write my own obituary.

Christina Egan © 2012

Tottenham Cemetery, London.
Photograph: Christina Egan © 2017.